How to Talk to Your Jewish College Student over the Holidays

The holidays are coming up and your college student may be home for the first time since being on campus. This is a great opportunity to check in on how they are feeling about all that’s happening in the world around them.

To help start the conversation here are:

5 Tips on How to Talk to Your Jewish Student over the Jewish Holidays

1) Be curious about their experiences and perceptions of being Jewish on campus by asking open-ended questions.

• Are there protests on your campus?

• What is your perception of the attitude towards Judaism and Israel?

• Does it seem like there are very negative attitudes towards Jews, Judaism and/or Israel?

  
  

2) Offer them a chance to ask you questions and express their feelings.

• I’m curious about how it feels to be a Jew on campus. Would you be willing to talk to me about it?

• How does it feel to bring your whole self, including your Jewish identity, to various parts of your college experience?

• Are there certain people or spaces where you feel uncomfortable or like you have to hide this part of your identity?

3) Talk to them about stress management and share what works for you.

• What are ways you relieve stress?

• Share what works for you. Examples:

  • Work out/move your body to relieve stress. We hold a lot of tension in our muscles.

  • Reach out to people who let you bring all parts of your identity

  • Eat well most of the time

  • Indulge in comfort foods when you crave them

  • Get enough sleep

  • Breathe work (inhale through your nose for 3 counts, exhale through your mouth for 4 or 5 count; box breathing - inhale for 3 or 4 count, hold for 3 or 4, exhale 3 or 4, hold 3 or 4).

  • Listen to music

  • Dance

  • Read

  • Write

  • Draw/color/build/create

  • Notice your surroundings (name 4 things you can see, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can hear)

  • Imagine a place of happiness, joy, or calm

  • Plan your time so things feel more manageable

  • Engage in Jewish culture and activities that bring joy and comfort

  • Try a meditation or a progressive muscle relaxation activity

    
    

4) Remind them that these are complicated and difficult times but that you’ll get through it together. Processing and learning about our feelings and these big questions can also lead to tremendous growth.

• They don’t have to have all the answers but you are always here to talk about whatever they are feeling, thinking or questioning.

• It’s ok to tell them how you are struggling as well, how you manage it, and what you are working on improving.

• Give yourselves permission to take breaks from

  • Talking about these things

  • Social media

  • Being around people who make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable because of your beliefs, religion, or culture

  
  

5) Offer your help and the help of a therapist if you feel it’s needed after your conversations with your child.

• Do you think you would benefit from talking to a therapist weekly?

• Are their support groups you can join on campus for ongoing support?